Keeping up with the "pace"

   Thank you mother for the great title! So much life has happened since I wrote last. I don't believe I've mentioned that I really shouldn't be alive. I'm not saying this because I don't want to be alive, or because I know something I shouldn't; I'm saying this because my life is a blessing. Since conception my life has been in danger of being lost. It feels weird to say that when I feel perfectly healthy. I should explain what I mean. In the womb I was saved abortion, after birth my mother (and her very good doctor) followed their instincts and saved me from meningitis, as a child I went over seas in times of war, as a teenager and young adult I spent weeks in the ICU due to seizures and flat-lining. I shouldn't be alive, but I am!
   Just two weeks ago I spent a week in the hospital with my same heart condition I've had for many years. They determined I have bachycardia (a slow heart rate). It caused me several issues including passing out, and seizures.They finally decided to be proactive and put a pacemaker in. That was an ordeal in itself. They had to go in twice because the leads attached inside my heart came out the first time. Let me repeat this, I should not be alive. Can anyone tell me why I might still be living when everything else says I shouldn't. People  keep telling me "you're meant for something big". If so, what is it? I want to know why, when it looks like I shouldn't, I am still able to write this blog. I sometimes find myself complaining about I cant keep up, or I don't know what to do, or I need a break, but I don't think I should ask for anything more. I'm living, that really says it all.
   I am truly blessed with all the people in my life. I couldn't make it through without them. I wonder what part of my ultimate purpose this all will play. I need to know where I'm supposed to go, when I shouldn't even being going. What do you do with that? What do you do when you really are the living [who should be] dead?