A Letter to My Single Friends at Valentine's Day

So, over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about marriage, family, settling down, and all the things that supposedly come with "growing up". I've been reading just about every article and post that pops up on the topic. Its been great. I've enjoyed them. A few have reminded me why I love my husband or why its awesome to have kids. Then I got to thinking, what is it like for my dear single friends who don't live in this world.

I know its true that I too once lived a single life. I slept, ate, and woke whenever I decided. I went out and didn't ask anyone's permission and I didn't have to carry a diaper bag. However, its been easy to forget those days ever existed. This leads me to why I decided to write this letter.

Single Friends,

 I know its hard to wait for someone special. I know your parents want you to "settle down" and have a few grand-babies for them. I know you feel like it will never happen. Cheer up, I have a gift for you! I will give you a very personal, intimate view of what its like to be married and an even more open view of what its like to be a parent.

Its hard! Marriage is hard. It takes hours of work, often with little to no return. You have no privacy, no space, and you have to consult someone else on everything. Yes, its nice to have someone to talk to, but that also means you have to listen. Sometimes you will have to sit there for an hour and listen to someone talk about video games or reasons why today is a bad hair day. You will have double the stress, double the bills, and half the sleeping room. Please don't get me wrong, I love my husband but there were perks to the single life. I beg you to take advantage of them now while you can. And, if the case should be that you never get married, I hope you can see the blessings in it.

The other thing I can say about that is, flirt. Make someone else feel beautiful, special, and worth while. In fact, make many people feel that way. You have the rare opportunity of being able to freely share compliments without risk. I'm not saying go get involved with tons of people, I'm just saying that there is so much fun in the chase. Once your married, your caught and that season of your life is over.

Secondly, parenting is the hardest, lowest paying job you will ever have. Please believe me when I say that I have not slept a whole night or eaten a whole meal in peace for over three years. You wont believe me now, but you don't realize how good you have it on a nightly basis. While I'm here. Sleep. Sleep! Sleep while you can, you will miss it someday.

Children will force you to take a deep look at yourself. You will see depths of fear, anger, and love you have never experienced. The freedoms you have now will be gone and you will have the greatest responsibility you could ever imagine on your shoulders. You will have little help, many questions, and probably more ruined clothes than you think. You will have regular conversations about puke, poop, and all sorts of unpleasant things.

My friends, please don't let me dampen your desire for a spouse and family. I don't say all this to ruin or crush your hopes and dreams. In fact, I hope that if you want those things that you get your Prince Charming or Cinderella. I hope they treat you like gold and realize that they are so very lucky. Look at all you gave up to be with them. I also hope you take a few minutes every day after your married to realize they too gave up a lot for you. You are worth it! So, just because someone is not in your life right now, doesn't mean its a bad thing. Sometimes the very best things take the longest to achieve.

This Valentine's day, I have a few suggestions to make the day less depressing. (Because, frankly, I know it will be.)

One, be another lonely someone's secret valentine. Don't sign it, don't admit to it, just do it. It might be just enough to change someone's whole point of view this year.

Second, grab a friend and go out on Valentine's day anyway. I'm not talking one of the "romantic" hot spots, but to something! Don't stay in and sulk. If you can't go out, do something at home. Just don't sit there on your couch, eating ice-cream and pouting. Your better than that! You are a grown-up. You have a life and friends and so many people who love you.

Third, remember the people who love you. Send your mother a valentine. Call up your best friend, whatever it takes. Put your life in perspective.

Fourth, if you don't make a point to go out or have some kind of fun shindig at home... offer to babysit for one of your friends who is already left the single life. If they have kids, they don't have many chances to be with that special someone anymore. Just place this thought in your mind, someday you will wish that someone does the same thing for you!

As a happily married woman with two kids, I am telling you now that it is OK to be single! Its perfectly fine not to be "settled down" yet. It's not bad that you don't have kids. Stop beating yourself up! You are a beautiful/handsome person and being single doesn't change that.

Beyond that, for every day you envy me there are days I'm so jealous of you! Go, for now is but a season and who knows what the future holds!

Much love,
Me

Romance/Marriage

I think anyone who is married should have at least one romantic goal a year to build their marriage. I personally think there should be several! However, for my new years resolutions this year, I picked two main areas where I have lacked at.

1. I would like to write, say, or do something to build up and encourage my husband on a daily basis.

In the grind of daily life its easy to get in a cycle of nagging, complaining, and even just forgetting to encourage our mates. My goal is to share with my husband how blessed I feel to have him in my life!

2. Make it a point to have a "date" on a monthly basis.

We are finally at the point were our finances are somewhat regulated and our kids are out of infant stage. Its time to rekindle some of those flames that have been dimmed by the pressure of young parenting. We have never really made it a priority to date each other, but I think doing so will increase unity and leave us both in a happier place!

Source

So, do tell what you romantic/ marriage goals are for the year? Perhaps you would like to write a love letter a month? Or maybe spent 10 minutes each evening together? What ever it is, I would love to hear your stories and comments.

30 Before 30: Two

Idea Two: Read a book on understanding and improving sexual health.

We are all adults here, so please understand me. By the age of thirty I think it is a pretty good idea to understand yourself, know what you like, and be creative. So long as you are in a loving and secure relationship (Marriage), I see nothing wrong with being open and free in this area. I also think that many of us never really got a good understanding of ourselves or the intimate world. I grew up with a personal choice to be conservative, but it also means I never had an opportunity to learn prior to marrying my husband. Now as the years inch closer to 30, I might just make up for lost time!

I read a book by Patty Brisben called, " Pure Romance- Between the Sheets" I learned a lot. However, don't think thats the only option out there. Even your local library should have a few options! (That's where I got that book!)

What other books do you think its important to read before you turn 30? Are the self help like the one above, classics, romances? Share with me!

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder [?]

As I promised, we have a guest post today. As I mentioned, Andrew and I spent the two years of our engagement in a long distance relationship. At times I forget how hard, lonesome, and crazy it was. So, here to help me today is my little brother. Roger Bellini is the author of the Si-Fi review blog, A Daily Dose of R&R and the coeditor for Neverland's Library.

Hey everyone,

My sister was kind enough to invite me to do a guest post about long distance relationships as I am currently involved in one. Her choice of titles, “Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder,” was an interesting choice but it’s a bit misleading. I’ll not claim to be an expert on the topic, but what I can do is give you my brutally honest opinion on the experience. If you’re involved in a similar type relationship I hope some of these feelings resonate with you; if not, well I’m wonderfully weird!

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First things first! There are some common misconceptions about being involved with long distance relationships. I’ll list a couple and tackle them one by one while sharing how my lovely girlfriend, Rebecca, and I have dealt with them.

Long distance relationships are not real.

Within the first day of having met, we quickly progressed from twitter to Facebook (This is not a way to start a relationship).  After Facebook, we went to skype and Facebook (This is also not a way to start a relationship). After that we spent several months conversing over webcam for hours on end nearly every night just spilling out interests, making faces at each other. We became friends as we learned about one another. It became evidently clear that there was a spark. We struggled with the first time voicing our feelings for each other as LDR’s (long distance relationships) often come with a negative connotation, but we knew at that time that there we didn’t want to be with anyone else. So, I eventually bit the bullet and asked her out. Awkward cheesiness ensued and I am pleased to say that the person I enjoy spending time with most decided to say “Yes.” To have a successful LDR, you need more than physical attraction; you need a partner who is also your closest friend (This is how a relationship is started).

If someone tells me that they cannot agree with that, then they might want to question their relationships before questioning mine! 

You can’t love someone you’re never with

I can bet you that I probably spend more time seeing my girlfriend and talking with her than a large majority of successful traditional relationships. I know, I know…  “But that’s not the same!” You’re right, it’s not. I’d love for the chance to spend time in person rather than be separated by what feels like infinite distance. In fact, I’ve planned several such trips already. It’s important to see someone occasionally in person. For some people this time lapse may be longer than others, but physical contact is needed. We’re only human, and kisses are definitely better given in person.

Having a successful LDR is a lot like a military couple. You come to cherish the time you do have with the person you care about, and make a conscious effort to make it work when they’re not nearby. It’s not for everyone, but if you find a person that is worth the effort and you have the determination, then you take your shot.

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It’s important to communicate when in a LDR. Be prepared for unwarranted jealousy randomly creeping up on you. Get used to cuddling your pillow instead of a person at night. It’s not easy, it’s not fun. It’s not worth it to be involved with these relationships. They can be awful and miserable.

The absolute only reason you should be involved in this type of relationship is if THEY ARE WORTH IT!

I’ll vent, I’ll rage, I’ll stay up until the early hours in the morning, heck I’ll even pay to fly and visit…  Because, in my case, she is well worth this and more!

Thanks,

Roger Bellini 

I can sympathize with so many points he made. Are you in or have you ever been in a LDR? What did you find to be the hardest challenge? I must admit that it was one of the only things that kept Andrew and I "behaved" before our wedding day! Still, I often wish we had more time together over those two years. Its a bittersweet deal. I hope you have enjoyed this look into love and romance with my husband and I (as well as our guest blogger, Roger).

Looking Forward

Later this evening I will be posting a catch up post as well as introducing next month's theme (properly). I am looking forward to sharing so many things with you.

The Whirlwind: Moving, Marriage, and Munchkin

Andrew and I's first year of marriage was one crazy event. We were married in January and the year whirlwinded around us. Before we were even married six months I found out I was pregnant. My son, Benjamin was born in December of our first year of marriage. We had to move out of our tiny apartment before his birth.. so that made it marriage, munchkin and moving all within one short year.

What was the craziest year of your marriage like? What is your favorite and least favorite memories of that year?

Its amazing what a year like that can do to bring you together. I know we grew so much in that one year. Although we have only been married three years now, we have the knowledge of life that comes from many more.

We now have two handsome boys in our life. Its a great blessing and a tiring struggle at times. I find myself at times wishing for the days prec-hildren. Yet, I know that I wouldn't do it any other way. For the missed sleep, missed date, and craziness... it was still worth it.

Marriage is a rough road. Its not for the week and willing to give up type. You must be strong. You must commit. You will fight, cry, struggle, and other times you will smile, grow, and make love. Its a balance and a gift. Its burden and a blessing. I wont lie and say we have it right or that we are always happy. However, I love is true and chosen. We wont give up on this thing called marriage, we are in it for life.

Tomorrow we will be hearing from my little brother, the author behind A Daily Dose of R&R about love and life in a long distance relationship. So please stop by. Also, check out his latest project: Neverland's Library Anthology

Out of his own mouth, "It's a fantasy anthology I started to raise money to go towards providing textbooks for children in need. We partnered with First Book, because they've been doing just that for years. Also, we assembled authors from several major publishers: Orbit, McMillan, Nightshade and more."

There is only a few hours left in his campaign, so check it out!

Recommended Reading

I borrowed a computer just because I missed posting so badly. I just couldnt live without it another day. Beyound that, we have  so much more to cover this month and only just a few days left! I figured since we are not on my computer and I dont have my personal picture, today would be a good day to discuss the books I really found useful, interesting, and worth my time in relation to marriage. Pardon the pun!

I believe I mentioned that I spent a whole year focusing on romance. During that time I created quite a notebook full of books, articles, ideas, etc. on marriage. Below are a few books I read during that time.

10,000 ways to say I love you by Gregory J. P. Godek. You will never be able to say you have no idea again!

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It really helps you to know what your partner needs to feel loved and what you need for that matter.

Your time-starved marriage by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. Arn't we are starved for time? Life keeps us so busy we may miss the romance!

As Long As We Both Shall Live by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham. There is some great relationship building things in this book.

I could probably go on for a long while with book ideas for you, but I think you would have a library card full already. If you have any other good reads on marriage please feel free to share with me by commenting below. I am always interested in learning more!

Randomness, Romance, and Rumblings

Romance and Rumblings

Its been a while since I've posted on my theme of Romance. I have admit that we are struggling with the theme. You would think it should be easy to focus on such an important relationship, yet we both get caught up in life. This got me thinking about our past... I'm not just talking about the major events of our story together, I'm talking about the tiny details that have seemed to disappear with three years of marriage and two children. Sometimes it breaks my heart to see how different we have become.

Today I found myself people watching at the mall while my son played in the play area. I was suddenly a little jealous of the teens walking by. I miss the days of carelessly walking through the mall, holding Andrew's hand. I miss PDA. I miss the days of making out, late night conversations (that weren't fights), and gifts for no reason.


Does three years really change people this much? Do children do it? I even kind of miss the days were Andrew stared at me with obvious lust. Even your sex life changes. We never really had a honeymoon period. We had kids before the end of our first year. I spent out honeymoon period pregnant. Obviously not a turn on. Did we miss something or is the the way it is for everyone?

Here is my question: Do thinks ever go back to that? Do they become a new, better version of romance? OR, does romance die and marriage becomes about choosing love? Tell me, what do you think. I have read MANY books. I have tried at least a hundred methods to bring back that spark. Does hard times change one's whole relationship with their spouse or is it temporary?

I deeply love Andrew. I am aware of what we have to give up for our children. Still, I believe marriage is a gift. I desire to enjoy it for my entire lifetime. Please comment your thoughts below or if you wish to keep your thoughts private you can email me by looking at my contact information- here.

Randomness

Mother's day weekend did not turn out as planned. My husband got sick so we ended up having to cut our camping trip short. I spent mother's day doing what moms do- caring for their children and their (sick) husband. I did however get plenty of fun photos over the past few days I would love to share!

Camping

Our camp site

the kids first night

playing at the family center

stone mining

Making Mother's day flowers for Nanny

Benjamin learning how to play baseball from Grandpa

Dinner Time

Ben was a hoot at dinner time today so I just had to share.

My Outfit

 Two versions of my outfit today, with and without my coat. It was chilly this morning so I wanted to show how I rocked it both ways. Thank you to Gwynnie Bee for the Eloquii dress. The belt is also from Eloquii. I LOVE the obi belt style.

Looking Fashion Forward

I have been thinking about my fashion for summer!!! I usually pick a theme so I keep my shopping to a minimum. Not too long ago I did nautical which was a lot of fun. I made the who family join me. These are the options this year:

Boho   Look 1, Look 2, Look 3
Girly    Look 1, Look 2, Look 3
Rocker Look 1, Look 2, Look 3
Beachy Look 1, Look 2, Look 3

Please check out the links beside each of these to see how I might pull off the look. On the side of my page there will be a place to vote on your favorite!

I also wanted to announce I finally found myself a bathing suit. Now, don't be disappointed... its not a fatkini. However, its super hot for a one piece! I cant wait to reveal it!

Crying baby; Tuna sandwich

  
 I thought the name of this post was very appropriate for the occasion. If you haven't already guessed, I am eating a tuna sandwich and listening to my son express his dislike for being put down for nap. A random title seemed the best option since I had so much to discuss.

    Considering this is my very first post, I want to cover some of the things I want to explore during the life of this blog. When I first pondered the idea of blogging, it was a distant dream, a hopeful after thought. When I finally got serious, a whole plethora of ideas flowed into my cerebellum. Below I will list some of the questions I wish to answer and a few of the titles that may appear in future posts.

• What am I supposed to do?
• Who am I, really?
• What makes a good mom, not just a good mother?
• What did I learn from my childhood?
• What did I miss? (My childhood and teen years)
• Facing my past, what did I learn?
• The future, what does it hold?
• Love, Life, and Happily Ever After
• Why I like shuffle. 
• Who says I cant do everything?
• Blessings in the mail
• Miracles happen
• The No Good, Very Bad Day
• Plus size and beautiful, dealing with self image
• The beauty queen within
• When Yes means No and Vissa Versa
• Dear Manda, random facts and advice
• What happened? I suddenly grew up.
• Who says "there is no such thing as Prince Charming?"
• Can faith and logic be reconciled?
• Laugh a little
• No longer honeymooners
• Everything I learned, I learned from my mother...

    That is just a few things that I quickly jotted down. I suspect I will have many, many more pop into my mind later on.  Now, over time you will get to know me. Please feel free to ask a question, add a thought, or just point out something I missed. Self exploration is a journey, Im inviting you to come along and be apart of my team. So team, we're off!