Saturday, June 11, 2011

Remind me again...

Someone please remind me why I'm supposed to be writing this blog again. Ok, so that was really rhetorical. It just feels like its been a million years since I've posted anything and Im getting no where with the original goal. I'd like to say, "while I was gone, I have come so far." But, I'd be lying. Actually, if you could be negative-square one, that would be me.

Im sure almost everyone knows what its like to have so much going on that you forget you only have one life to live. There are whole days I only see the sunlight through my car window on my way to work. I am so tired of living the "getting by" kind of existence. So, how does one live life to the fullest? Is it only meant for a few? Is it possible for someone on the low end of totem pole? Is it possible for ME?

For those of you who are wondering, I am healed pretty well from my pacemaker surgery. My son is growing up quickly (and I'm missing it), and my husband can see some light at the end of his career tunnel. Truthfully, our life seems to be going... smoothly. (It took me a few moments to choose the wording of the previous statement. "Well," would have made it sound as if I thought things were actually good.) Smoothly, I will give my life that. We have settled into a routine. Everything is penciled in. You know its bad when you have so schedule some things.  This is not at all the life I had imagined for myself. I am not the mother I wanted to be or the wife I should be. I need a life makeover. Is there a show for that? Something like- The Biggest Loser, Extreme Home Makeovers, What Not To Wear, and I don't know; all put together!

Getting to know Myself: Step One- What do I want in a Life?

A career I don't hate, that doesn't consume my entire day.
A house- big enough to fit a family, with a yard (with preferably, some grass).
Children. Mine, yours, adopted, everywhere...
A life, with friends and all.
A happy and satisfied husband. Not perfect, just perfectly mine.
Enough money. Not too much, I dont need to be rich. Not too little, I already know how that is.
To get on the mission field (once in a while at least).

Getting to know Myself: Step Two- What do I have?
Two jobs, I dont hate them... but they do consume my whole day and dont pay enough.
A two bedroom, basement apartment with noisy neighbors and no outdoors space.  Forget a mortgage.
One very handsome and wonderful 6 month old baby boy.
Do really great coworkers count?
Great husband, not a lot of time to make him happy.
Well, we sort of have enough to cover all the bills, if Im creative.
I haven't seen my beloved Japan in several years now and with all these bills, its going to be a while. 

Am I close?

I guess I should keep working on it. For now, I'll be happy if I can keep up with this blog. Pray my internet connection lasts. Its been months since someone has been willing to "share".

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