Wednesday, February 2, 2011

When Yes Means No

This next post is a little excerpt from a comedic book I was working on at one point. Please forgive the fact that it is written as a woman talking to men.  It is just a little glimpse of what men should really know. I have to admit, I was quite young when I started this book and I don't think men are always this oblivious. Still, I do still find that some of this rings true. Enjoy my work...

Guys rarely realize how much they miss about the women in their lives. Men and women are on a truly different wave length. One day, as me and a few of my female friends were chatting we decided someone ought to clue the gentleman in to what goes on in a lady’s mind.

            First off, we will discuss common things women say and what they really mean. It’s not that women are liars, but they do tend to try to hide their emotion with sheer cover-ups. There is several reasons for this, but when it comes to the men in their life, it’s to make them feel like someone really knows them. Ladies are queens of sarcasm and they have mastered the art of talking around the truth. This is often used as a way of avoiding items of discussion, hinting at a desire, or they just plain can’t help it.

1. When a woman says “no thank you”, “please don’t”, and “you don’t have to”:
            When a lady says this she is more often than not saying “I wish you would” or “I’d love that”. Women don’t want to feel like they forced someone to do something or buy her things; they want it to truly be a gift. By denying the offer the first time, and making the gentleman or friend insist, it assures them they are not being overly needy or demanding. However, there are many occasions when no means no. Men especially, have to be able to tell the difference by looking the situation. Many times, when a man asks a lady if she wants to go somewhere specific or to do something and she refuses that means NO. We will look at a few examples.

A. Men, imagine you and your girlfriend are walking through the mall one afternoon and she points out a lovely set of earrings in a store you enter. You know she likes them and you offer to purchase them for her. Of course her first response is “no, really you don’t have to” so you assume she doesn’t really want them. You realize after circling the store she walks by them again.
            Ok gentleman if you don’t see it, you are blind. She is quietly screaming “Yes! Please get them for me.” Not making her ask for something, and purchasing something even after she refuses makes you look like a sweetheart. It doesn’t have to be something big, but women remember the little things and that can help you later.

B. Let’s move to a slightly different situation. You are about to take a trip without the lady in your life and you ask her if she wants anything from your trip, she will always say “no, I’m fine”.
            In this case just remember two things, she has to live without you for the time you’re away and she ALWAYS brings something back for you when she leaves. Women are natural shoppers! She will or has brought you something before and you should return the favor if you can. Sometimes, it is not the item that a woman requires, but the thought you put into it. Think, what would be special to her? Perhaps a picture of “wish you were here,” written in the sand is all that is needed.

C.  Now for a situation where no actually means NO. It’s a cloudy evening and you both are sitting around doing nothing, trying to figure out something to do. After a while you get an idea! You turn to her and ask “you want to go to a game?” and she looks you solemnly into your eyes and says “nah”.
            For one, when it comes to sports not every woman knows much about it. Many times a lady will go to a game for you because she cares about you but it wouldn’t be smart to push it when she says no. If in fact she does like sports (or whatever the event is that you asked her to attend), perhaps she is just a tired. Everyone has their days when they just don’t really feel like doing some things. Learn to read her.

D. Lastly, we will look at a little more serious situation. You and your woman just get back to your house after a great date and before you know it you’re kissing. After a while things begin to get more heated than both of you expected. It finally gets to a point where she becomes uncomfortable and asks if you both could cool it.
            This is not a situation to be taken lightly. Anytime you face something like this, yes means yes and no always means no, there is no exceptions. When it comes to the physical realm boundaries have to be followed. Respect is necessary in a relationship whether friendship or otherwise.

2. When women say “whatever you want to do,” “I don’t care,” or “whatever”:
             Each of these last few phrases has drastically different meanings depending on the situation in which they are being used. The first two phrases are often used in order not to make a decision, where the last one is more often used when a woman is frustrated or upset. Knowing the difference between these can save you from a fight or the silent treatment. These lines can be confusing and complicated so we will look at a few examples.

A. Lets pretend both you and your woman are at a theme park having a wonderful time. You walk up to two roller coasters with equally long lines and you ask her which she would prefer. After a moment she responds “whichever one you want babe,” with a smile.
            In this situation she really wants you to decide. Very few woman like to be the completely dominant one in a relationship, sometimes it’s nice to have the man make the decisions. There are many cues to look for to be able decipher when she really doesn’t mind that you decided. First off look for a smile (and not a fake one either), also listen to how she says it. Learn your girl’s form of sarcasm! If she looks away to somewhere else or out into space while she says it, it may mean something else.

B. Now we will look at a different situation where the exact phrase means something completely different. Imagine you are both sitting in your living room talking and you get a brilliant idea to play one of your video games. She had shown interest before in learning to play and became fairly good at Mario. You take out the controllers and ask her is she would prefer Mario or James Bond! She makes a scrunched up face and says “whatever you want, I don’t care.” (We will discuss whatever below.)
             Listen to me boys, if you got her playing video games at all stick to what she knows! Seriously, in a case like this it would be wiser to stick to something she knows and understands. Many time woman only say “whatever you want” to let you pick what you know they would prefer. Show your lady you know what she likes; remember she is doing what you asked to do.

C. Last but not least, we will look at the famous valley girl line, “whatever.” It may be amusing to see that in writing but like it or not we ladies have used it in the past and still use it today. Suppose you were sent on an errand shopping for your woman (yes, I know boys, no fun) and she gave you a very specific list of items to purchase. You go through the store and realize one of the items she asked for is double the price of the rest of the similar items on the shelf, so you call her. While on the phone, you mention the cost but she still insists the recipe won’t work without it. Still confused, you argue that the item is the same as all the rest. After a while an argument has sprung from something that was unneeded. Finally she gives up and ends the phone call with “Fine, whatever. Get what you want.”
            These situations are never any fun and no one ever really wins happily. Sometimes women are stubborn (don’t get a big head gentleman so are you). Look at the situation, is it really worth fighting over?  In almost any conversation when a woman uses “whatever,” she is being sarcastic or she is unhappy with the decision. Unless she is laughing and playing valley girl, this is normally a word you don’t want to hear from your lady.

Of course this is only a little piece of the book, I thought you all might find it interesting. I don't know how many books I have started with the intention of completion. Truly, I miss having the time and passion for writing that I once had. I have a collection of poetry, several starts to books, and many short works. Perhaps there will be more opportunities for me to share my work with you in the future. 

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