Friday, April 19, 2013

Two day old melancholy is no good for dinner

Over the past two days I have suffered from a terrible case of melancholy. You know, one of those irrational melancholy days where you fear your marriage is crumbling, your kids are hellions, and the sky is falling. Because of these I think this post may be one of the deepest, most personal posts I've yet to share.

First, I have to admit defeat. My grand intentions to cook all these wonderful, beautiful things have been shattered. This comes the first reason for my woes. At this moment my entire family lives under one roof with my in-laws. Although they have been wonderful to allow us to stay here, the difficulty of having a young family in the home of empty nesters is indescribable.

In the summer of last year, things were looking good. Life seemed to finally be moving in the direction we desired. We had one child and another on the way and were starting to look at houses. Like a whirlwind, jobs were lost, relationships strained, and depression crept in. Needless to say, the idea of a house seems light-years away.

After the birth of my youngest, I suffered from postpartum depression. Not so difficult to understand considering everything going on around me. After a few weeks of suffering, I talked to my OB and got on medication. It took time, but it helped. As I became more involved in church, this blog, and work I felt better. I weaned myself off the medication thinking the slight hormonal balance must have been cured and I no longer needed help.

I still need help. As things get harder for my family and I financially, both my husband and I suffer emotionally. Neither of us know quite how to deal with it. Deep down we both want the other one to fix it all so we can move on with life. However, I am aware things don't work like that.

Now this is where I am at. In the need of deep self exploration that leads to contentment found in who I am and the family I have. I need an inner strength that pull my kids and husband with me through these times that seem impossible. I need the lover of my soul to change the parts of me that I cannot.

I apologize to those of you looking forward to the wonderful dishes I was supposed to make. It saddens me greatly to give up on something I desired so much. Perhaps it is a lesson learned. Life is not something we can plan out in every detail. Sometimes God take the pen a different direction. My book is not yet finished and like most good pieces of literature, a sorrowful beginning may bring a joyful completion.

Thank you for all the support I have received so far and continue to get on a daily basis. I look forward to hearing from my readers and follows. I enjoy blessing the lives of those who are touched by my words. I hope that I will continue to give you something worth reading. If nothing more, you will truly get to know me.

Looking Forward

Since I had to cut "My Julia Project" short temporarily, I will soon move on to the subject I intended on doing next month. (I hope to one day bring this original topic to completion in my own place!) I will have to discuss it with my husband, but I'm sure he will oblige. Until then, I will begin telling you our story. I hope to many great stories from you as well. I intend on having at least one guest blogger during the next month or so. This should be a month of true growth for me and my marriage.

What You Missed- 2 days without me!

Watch out for the two year old driver!

Don't worry we were in the drive way. He thought it was so awesome!

My Outfit

I looked good today for dress down, so its worth sharing.
The blouse I got at Good Will. Truth is, I have no idea who the original designer of the blouse is. Everything else came from my "closet collection".

Thank you for dealing with me. I hope to keep entertaining, blessing, and surprising you!


  1. Hello, hope you are feeling better. Love the top! We big girls can find great clothing, doesn't matter where we shop :) I rather be thrifting anyday. Have a great week! Thanks for visiting my blog at Oh yea, I am now following you!

    1. Hey, Thank you so much. I've been following you for a little while... I like what your doing.